Common Sense Parenting with Pam

Foundational Skills #1: Problem-Solving

• Pam Palanza • Season 1 • Episode 1

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Unlock the secrets to nurturing a child's lifelong success by mastering the art of problem-solving skills—essential tools that every young mind deserves. Imagine empowering your child to face life's challenges with creativity and confidence, much like constructing a solid foundation for a future that's unshakeable. Join me, Pam, as I draw upon my 40 years of expertise in child care and parenting to guide you through the critical process of cultivating these skills in your little ones. Through real-life examples and practical insights, you'll discover how to nurture independence and critical thinking in your child, setting them up for triumph in education, relationships, and their eventual careers.

In our first episode of the 10-week series "Common Sense Parenting with Pam," we explore the power of teaching through modeling and the art of open-ended questioning. Witness the transformative effect of encouraging children to make their own decisions while subtly guiding them, without directly solving their problems. We'll delve into the value of perseverance and how praising efforts can build resilience in our young ones. Through everyday scenarios like finding cooking alternatives, learn how to demonstrate problem-solving out loud and inspire your child's learning journey. This is merely the beginning of an enlightening journey through essential parenting skills that will fortify your child's path to success.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the podcast where we simplify parenting with common sense tips, real life scenarios and a little bit of humor along the way. I'm Pam and I'm here to help you build the skills and confidence you need to raise happy, resilient and responsible children. So grab your coffee, take a deep breath and let's tackle parenting one common sense tip at a time. I'm really excited you're with me here because this is week one of a 10-week series that I call 10 Foundational Skills your Children Need to Learn for Success in life, and each week we're going to isolate one of those skills and go in depth on it. Now let me tell you why I think this is important. I've been in child care for 40 years. I've been a parent for 45 years. I have four children and eight grandchildren. I spent years 20 years going into child care facilities in a couple different states and observing classrooms, observing children, observing teachers, and I saw almost in every single classroom skills that children were lacking and I put together this whole series. I've done a couple Facebook Lives on them. You can go back and check the Facebook Lives on my website it's PamelaPalanzacom and just look under Content Corner and I did little bits on there, but I am going in-depth on these and I'm also going to write an e-book about this because this, to me, is so, so important. You know, if your child does not have basic skills as they grow and develop and you're not teaching them those at a very young age at home, they're going to have troubles in life. I mean, I'm just telling you flat out, they're going to have problems in life. And we all know adults. We all know you could be married to them. You could be related to them, you could work with them, they could be your neighbors, they could be relatives that you look at them and go. What happened? Did you not learn how to behave? Did you not learn how you should conduct yourself as an adult? Did someone forget to teach you that? So it's important that your children learn these.

Speaker 1:

And I compare it to say you're going to build a house. You just don't start building a house on the ground. Right, you have to have a really strong foundation. You have to have the footers and you have to have the concrete blocks and you have to have everything stable and you have to make sure it's level and you have to make sure it's solid, because that foundation is what the rest of the house is going to be on. And if you just do it haphazard way, you don't do it right. You maybe use like less quality than you should just to get by fast. You don't have the time for it, you really don't want to have to deal with it. Then you build this house on top of that weekend foundation. Now I don't care how big your house is, how much it costs, where it's located, how beautiful it is, how many rooms it has, how much you decorated, what your mortgage is, none of that matters.

Speaker 1:

Because if your foundation in that house is not solid, guess what's going to happen? You're eventually going to have problems with your house. It might take a few years, but you're going to start seeing floorboards go, maybe a little wonky, maybe there's cracks in the wall or the foundation. You're noticing huh, where did this crack come from? Out here outside. Or maybe you're even seeing cracks in the ceiling in your house and you're going to wonder what happened. I'll tell you what happened. Most likely your foundation wasn't built right. It was done haphazardly because you were in a hurry or you didn't feel like doing it, or you were too tired to deal with it. Whatever the reason was, you didn't build a solid foundation. That's what this is all about.

Speaker 1:

These are the 10 skills that I have identified. Now there are others. You might identify others, but these are ones that I feel, from my experience and my years of doing everything I've done, that these are important. These are the ones that are you do. That's problem solving.

Speaker 1:

So we're going to kick off this series by talking about this, because your kids are going to need to use problem solving skills their entire life, whether it's figuring out how they're going to build the tallest block tower. They sit there and build, put one on top, one on top, one on top, and then it crashes down. You know, they sit there and build, put one on top, one on top, one on top and then it crashes down. Then they have to build it again. But they have to figure out well, why didn't that work? Did I put too many? Did I not make it wide enough? They need to utilize the problem-solving skills. They need to learn how to navigate conflicts with their siblings, with their friends, with their neighbors at school. So problem solving is just all about helping your children see challenges as opportunities to get creative and to grow. So in this episode, we're going to talk about why it's important and practical ways to build these skills at home, and I'm going to share some real-life scenarios to give you examples of how you can guide your child to become a confident problem solver.

Speaker 1:

Let's dive into why it's important and what skills your children are learning from problem solving. Well, the first thing they're learning is independence. When they learn how to problem solve and think for themselves and come up with their own solutions rather than always relying on other people or adults to fix issues for them, they become independent, they become more confident, they trust their own judgment and they realize that they can take on challenges without hesitation. It also boosts critical thinking skills. So when they learned how to evaluate a situation, analyze options and then consider consequences, so that basically saying what's the problem, what are choices we have to address this problem, and will they work? And guess what If they don't? You keep trying and we're going to talk about that in a minute.

Speaker 1:

But those three things are the key components of teaching your children critical thinking skills. So, as they learn those early on, it allows them to approach complex tasks with a mindset that's thoughtful, so they can make decisions better, they're well thought out and it prepares them for academic success and for real-world problem solving as adults, because we all know even as adults we have problems. It encourages creativity and innovation. So when children face a problem and they're pushed to think outside the box to find a solution, that's creativity and innovative thinking. Now I can tell you, when my youngest was in elementary school, she was a part of Odyssey of the Mind and I helped coach that team and that was one of those most amazing things I've seen, because these children were given a problem and, without adult intervention or suggestions or input, they had to come up with ideas and solutions to solving that problem. They not only had to come up with solutions, they had to build the props, they had to present it. So they were learning creativity, innovation, problem solving, critical thinking, thinking outside the box, and it was fun, it was fun for them thinking outside the box and it was fun. It was fun for them. So when they can learn to find unique solutions, that sparks a lifelong ability to think flexibly and to come up with new ideas.

Speaker 1:

It's highly valuable when they go in the workplace. You know, like science, engineering, art, entrepreneurship, I mean, who doesn't have to solve problems in their work life. I mean who doesn't have to solve problems in their work life? It also develops resilience and perseverance when you teach them how to problem solve. I mean it can be frustrating at times, right, we all get frustrated with trying to figure things out, especially when they're kids. But when you teach them to keep working through those challenges anyway, it teaches them persistence, instead of them quitting because I'm frustrated, I can't figure it out, I'm just going to quit and walk away. They learn to stick with it, that even when it's difficult, you push through anyway. You look for a different plan. So I used to teach my children have plan A, b, c and D. If something doesn't work, plan A, go to plan B, go to C, go to D. So instead of getting frustrated, quitting, get anxious over it, they worked through it. So it teaches them resilience and perseverance and they learn to bounce back from something.

Speaker 1:

If there's a mistake, if they have an obstacle, it's an opportunity for growth and they can continue trying until they succeed. And one thing your children need to know is if they make a mistake, if it doesn't work, it's not a failure. That's a learning opportunity. They need to look back and go. What did I do? That didn't work. How can I do this differently the next time? So they're learning oh, I didn't mess up, I just didn't get it right the first time. We need to keep pushing right.

Speaker 1:

It also enhances their social skills and their collaboration. Now we all know in life there's going to be lots of opportunities. We need to collaborate with people At school, at work, at home, in relationships. Teaching them how to communicate, listen to other people's ideas and cooperate in group problem-solving situations is crucial. When they develop those strong problem-solving skills, they can navigate social skills so much more effectively. When they learn to work collaboratively with peers to find win-win solutions instead of win-lose, when they understand that everyone's voice counts, that's when they're going to be successful. Now it also builds their self-esteem and their confidence. When they can solve a problem, whether it's big or small, it gives them a sense of accomplishment right, and then they feel really good about themselves.

Speaker 1:

So let's talk about a real-life situation here. You have a child learning to tie their shoes and you know how frustrating that can be for them and for us as parents sometimes. But you teach them, you take them through the steps. They might try. They might not get it the first time, the second time, but they keep trying. Instead of them giving up, you say, let's try it this way, let's try it a different way, keep trying. And when they finally get it, the look on their face, the joy that is beaming, the pride that they have because they did it, that's priceless, that is priceless. And so when they learn that they can do it on their own, it builds their confidence. They begin to trust in their own abilities. They begin to trust in their own abilities. It boosts their self-esteem and encourages them to take on new challenges without fear of failure, because they know they can just push through and keep trying and keep trying and keep trying.

Speaker 1:

All right, it also teaches accountability. I'm big on this, you all know. If you've listened to me on social media, you know I'm huge on this. Actions have consequences. Children need to be taught that at a very young age that when they do something, whether it's positive or negative, there's a corresponding reaction or consequence. So problem solving teaches children that very thing actions have consequences. So it encourages them to take responsibility for finding solutions rather than looking to blame other people or avoiding the problem altogether. And let's be real here, because I'm very direct and very honest here. You all know an adult in your life, probably right now, who never takes blame or never accepts blame for something they've done. It's always someone else's fault or they walk away. They just avoid the problem. That's hard to deal with and you don't want your child to grow up to be that person. By teaching them accountability and we're going to go into this in a whole other podcast episode, because that's one of the foundational skills they learn to take ownership of their own problems and to be accountable, and that is so important for their personal growth. It develops leadership skills. It serves them well in academic and social settings.

Speaker 1:

Teaching your children problem-solving skills also prepares them for future success and that's like a given right. So in school, in life, in work, people are going to constantly be faced with problems that require solutions. We all do it every day. I mean, I don't know of a person in my life that I've known and I'm a lot older than most of you, probably listening that go through life problem free. That's just not a thing. If you're breathing and you're on this planet, you most likely have a problem, big or small, positive or negative. You have a problem you have to figure out how to solve. So when they learn problem solving skills early on, they're better equipped to handle challenges in school, like homework or that dreaded project you know the project. They wait till nine o'clock at night to tell you what to do the next morning and they haven't even started it, but they had weeks to do it. You know that. It teaches them how to handle challenges in relationships, in the workplace, with finances just so many areas of life. So it's a lifelong skill that will serve them well and they need to learn it young. Let's talk about how you can teach problem solving. So we've talked about why they need to like what critical skills they're learning. Let's talk about how you teach it One you encourage exploration, so you let your child experiment and try new things, and if they come up against an obstacle or a challenge, instead of you jumping in to solve it, you say, hmm, what do you think we could try to fix this?

Speaker 1:

Could we do something differently? Is there something we didn't have that we need that would help us get through this better? So you ask open-ended questions without solving the problem. Now, depending on the age of your child, you may have to give a little bit of coaching like hmm, what do you think? Should we try this or this? And then you let them pick an option, because sometimes they just don't know and you have to kind of guide them a little bit. But again, you're asking open-ended questions without telling them how to do it themselves.

Speaker 1:

You can model problem solving because you are your child's first teacher. That's just simple. I mean, that's common sense. People, right Common sense. So they're watching you, they're listening to you, they're watching how you act, how you treat people, how you speak to people. You're modeling for them how they need to be in the world because you're the parent. And they see that and they assume well, my mom or dad's doing it, that's how I'm supposed to do it, because they're my parent and they're only going to do the right thing for me. Okay, so, while we all know that's not always true, that's how children think. When you show them how to solve problems in everyday situations, by talking it through out loud maybe to them, they learn how to do the same thing.

Speaker 1:

So I'll give you an example. Say you're cooking something, you're going to maybe make some cookies, and you're like oh no, we're out of milk. So here's your options. You could go I can't believe it. All right. Which one of you drank the milk last? Why didn't you tell me we needed milk? Now I can't make my cookies. You can say you know what we're out of milk. Hmm, well, I can either go to the store someone can go for me to get more milk, or maybe I can just substitute water in this recipe. Okay, so you've modeled for them. I had a problem. Here are some solutions. We've got to figure out which one's going to work. That's all Okay.

Speaker 1:

When they're doing a task, you praise the process, not just the result. So you focus on the effort. You know if they don't get it right the first time you go, wow, you tried hard to find a solution. That's great, let's keep going. Here's another example.

Speaker 1:

I was at the library with my three-year-old grandson. He's playing with the puzzle. It's one of the ones that has individual pieces with a little knob on them for him to hold, and he was trying to put the police car in the spot and he kept turning it the wrong way and he was getting a little frustrated and I just said what do you think we should do about that? Or what do you think you should do about that? Because I wasn't doing it. He was, and he just turned a little bit and he kept pushing and pushing. It wouldn't work. And I said you're trying hard, keep trying, buddy. And then he finally turned it and he got it in and he was so proud of himself and I said you know what? You should be so proud of yourself. Now let me insert something here. I didn't say I'm so proud of you. I said you should be so proud of yourself because you kept at it until you figured it out. Good for you, buddy. And now you know we went on to another puzzle.

Speaker 1:

Teach perseverance. So teach them to keep trying when something is difficult and emphasize the process. That's what's important. Let them know it's okay to make mistakes. You know it's okay. We all make mistakes in life. It's okay, try again. Keep going. By teaching your child how to solve problems early on, you're giving them a lifelong gift. This is going to help them in school, in relationships, future careers. It truly is the key for unlocking their potential. That's one area you need to start with Now. We are going to be discussing over the next nine weeks the other nine skills that I think are so important. Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Common Sense Parenting with Pam. I hope you enjoyed the episode and, if you did, please leave a review. That helps other parents find us, and if you have friends who also have children and could use some parenting tips, feel free to share this. I would really appreciate it and you know I'd love to hear from you so you can always find me on my socials. And until then, remember, hug and love your babies.