Common Sense Parenting with Pam

Foundational Skills # 3: Respect for Others

• Pam Palanza • Season 1 • Episode 3

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Can teaching empathy and respect transform your child's future? Join me, Pam, on Common Sense Parenting as we unravel the deeper essence of respect beyond the pleasantries of "please" and "thank you." Discover how empathy and compassion are the cornerstones of raising socially adept children who can resolve conflicts peacefully and stand against bullying. I share practical strategies to foster these qualities at home, such as setting clear expectations and using role-playing scenarios for teaching respectful interactions. By modeling these behaviors, we lay the groundwork for our children to develop meaningful relationships and thrive personally and professionally.

In this episode, we explore actionable tips for encouraging positive behavior and nurturing empathy, which are essential for understanding and respecting others. We reflect on the significance of respecting teachers, invoking past traditions that emphasized unwavering respect for educators. I also highlight the power of active listening and the importance of praising positive behavior to reinforce lessons learned. Wrapping up, I extend a heartfelt thank you to our listeners and invite them to connect with me on social media, fostering a community of engaged and supportive parents. Share the journey of raising respectful, empathetic children and contribute to a kinder future.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the podcast where we simplify parenting with common sense tips, real-life scenarios and a little bit of humor along the way. I'm Pam and I'm here to help you build the skills and confidence you need to raise happy, resilient and responsible children. So grab your coffee, take a deep breath and let's tackle parenting one common sense tip at a time. Hello everyone, today we are diving into respect for others. That is something every parent wants to see in their child. Obviously, now, respect isn't just about saying please and thank you and using your manners. It's about understanding that other people's feelings and perspectives matter. So we're going to talk about how to teach empathy, set clear expectations, model respect at home. We're going to discuss some ways that you can teach your children how to have respect for others, and they need to have respect for themselves as well. That's very important, and then I'm going to give you some scenarios on how that all works. All right, so let's dive in and get started here. So why is it so important? Well, teaching children respect for others is one of the most important things that you can do as a parent. Respect is a fundamental value that helps children understand how to interact with the world around them in a thoughtful and considerate way. It just lays the foundation for strong relationships, for empathy and cooperation, and it shapes how they will treat others as they grow. Let's talk about why it is so important in a little more depth. Well, number one it fosters empathy and compassion more depth Well, number one it fosters empathy and compassion.

Speaker 1:

When children learn to respect others, they're more likely to show empathy and compassion. Respect teaches them to value the feelings, opinions and needs of others, not just themselves. So the impact of that is that children who are empathetic, they can build stronger and more meaningful relationships and are more likely to contribute positively to their communities. And who doesn't want that for their child? Number two it builds healthy social skills. Respectful behavior is the foundation of good social interactions. It helps children understand boundaries, they develop good manners, hopefully, and they learn how to listen and communicate effectively. When they're respectful, they're better equipped to navigate friendships, family dynamics and teamwork. They become better listeners, more patient and cooperative, which is really important in both school and social settings. Number three it encourages conflict resolution, and that's one of the topics we're going to talk about, one of the 10 foundational skills. Why is that important? Well, because when they respect others, they're more likely to approach disagreements with an open mind and a willingness to find solutions, instead of trying to just railroad over other people. They're better able to resolve conflicts peacefully. When they've learned to have respect for other people, they don't resort to name calling or aggressive behavior because that is not respectful. So this skill is invaluable for them maintaining healthy relationships of all sorts throughout their whole life. It also reduces bullying and aggression.

Speaker 1:

Typically, a lack of respect often leads to bullying or aggressive behavior. Children who don't learn respect they become self-centered or maybe act in ways that hurt other people. So teaching respect helps reduce bullying and promotes a culture of kindness and inclusion, which we want for our children, obviously. And children who respect others are less likely to hurt their peers emotionally or physically. Teaching them respect for others prepares them for future success. Right, because that is a skill that transcends childhood. In adulthood, respect is crucial for building strong professional relationships, collaborating with your colleagues, navigating society, and when your child learns respect for others, that will carry them into adulthood and it 'll help them succeed in their personal and professional lives and, quite frankly, in any relationships they have.

Speaker 1:

So how can you teach your children to have respect for others. Well, what am I going to tell you here? Model it for them. They need to see it modeled. They need to see it reinforced through everyday interactions. So again, they're watching you. You need to see it modeled. They need to see it reinforced through everyday interactions. So, again, they're watching you. You need to demonstrate respect in your interactions with other people family members, friends, strangers. They're learning from watching you Use manners.

Speaker 1:

Your children hear you using manners and when you let them know, they're expected to use manners. That's teaching respect. And I can tell you and I'm not stereotyping here, I'm just throwing this out I see a real lack. I have children being taught manners for some reason. I mean, I was raised with manners. Yes, please, thank you, excuse me, you always use your manners. I find that missing a lot in young children. I'm not sure why. For some reason it's not being taught, and that's a skill that can really carry them far in life. So here's what you do you model, please, and thank you. Use it regularly.

Speaker 1:

Model for them how you listen when others are talking and you don't raise your voice in frustration. Show respect for their thoughts and feelings by listening to them and acknowledging their emotions. And, of course, we want to teach the golden rule. You know, do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Explain that everyone deserves kindness, even if they're different or disagree.

Speaker 1:

And I can tell you, I've been doing social media for about three years now. I'm on Facebook primarily, I'm on Instagram and I have a small YouTube following and I am shocked at the number of people and I find this not in my older generation, but in the younger generations where if someone doesn't agree with you something you say and I'm very open on my platform and I say, hey, you don't have to agree with me, I'm welcome opposing views, I welcome having discussion. They just get nasty. Instead of just saying, oh, I don't agree with you, or saying nothing, they get nasty in their comments and that, to me, is mind-blowing, because that is not how I was raised, that is not how I was taught and I would never in a million years think of doing that to somebody. If I don't agree with somebody, I just either keep moving or we have a discussion. Right, I don't have to agree with everybody and they don't have to agree with me.

Speaker 1:

So teach your children that if people don't have to agree with everybody and they don't have to agree with me. So teach your children that if people don't agree with them or they're different for some reason, you still treat them with respect. You don't treat them differently or nasty to them or hateful because you don't like something they said. I literally had one lady say to me I don't like what you just said, I'm going to unfollow you. And I said, well, okay, goodbye. I mean, you know, you have your choice. I don't get that mentality. I don't understand why it's this dismissive personality all of a sudden like nope, I don't like you, bye, it's just, I don't know. Okay, that's a whole nother topic.

Speaker 1:

But so you need to say to your children if they do something to somebody else, you would say how would you like it if someone treated you that way? Think about it for a minute. And I know when we were growing up, there were four of us and if one of us did something wrong, my father would sit all four of us on the couch and he would talk to us and he would say just exactly that Well, how do you think that made that person feel? And how do you think you would feel if somebody did that to you? And so it made us very empathetic and made us really stop and think before we acted or said things to people that were hurtful, because we wouldn't want someone doing that to us. Now I can tell you a little side note here. Funny, sometimes my father would go on and on and on, like it felt like hours. It was probably 15 minutes, right, but we wanted to go out and play because we lived in a neighborhood with a bunch of kids, so we wanted to go out and play. And so sometimes my brother would say could you just spank us and let us go out? Now, my father and mother did not spank us, but that's how it felt. We just wanted to go. We were willing to take a spanking if we could get outside, but anyway.

Speaker 1:

But you need to remind your children that they need to stop and think about how their actions affect somebody else. And I knew when my father or mother busted out my first and middle name that I was in trouble, that I had probably pushed something too far. It out my first and middle name, that I was in trouble, that I had probably pushed something too far. And when my father would say, Pamela Lynn, why did you say that to that person. I was like yikes, I'm really in trouble. I was going to get a double lecture.

Speaker 1:

I guess you can also encourage active listening with your children. So teach your children the importance of listening to others when they're speaking and waiting for their turn to talk, instead of interrupting or talking over somebody. Also, this is really important. This is something else that I see a lot missing eye contact. So teach your children, when they're talking to someone else, that person's talking, that they're to give them eye contact, they're to acknowledge that they're hearing them, you know. Nod their head or in agreement, and listen to what the other person's saying before they start responding. Acknowledge it, process it and then respond. That is showing respect. Also, you set clear expectations for behavior that promote respectful behavior.

Speaker 1:

Make it clear in your house that name calling, interrupting and disrespecting others is not acceptable. Whatever your rules are in your house, whatever is the family you decide is disrespectful or unacceptable, you put the parameters and the boundaries around that. So, for example, you could say in our family we speak to each other kindly and we wait our turn to talk. That's how we show respect and you might have to remind them a lot of times, depending on how many children you have and the ages, but you'd remind them in our family this is how we do it. Now they might say, well, my friend, he does it. Well, you know what that's your friend's house, in our house, this is how we do it.

Speaker 1:

Lay that boundary down, reinforce it every single time, because you know, as parents and I preach this as well you say what you mean, you mean what you say, you follow up with consequences and you enforce it every single time, every single time. So don't tell them you're going to instill a consequence if you're not going to, because that's teaching them that you don't mean what you say and they don't have to listen to you, and then that's a whole nother podcast. So you correct the disrespectful behavior immediately, and this is what I'm talking about when I say consequences. When they act disrespectfully, you correct them immediately. Now let me just say this If you're out in public with your child and they're around other people, their friends, instead of embarrassing them, you call them off to the side and you say hey, listen, what you just said or did was disrespectful. And here's how I expect you to handle it next time.

Speaker 1:

If your child interrupts someone that's talking, you can say it's important to let people finish speaking before we talk. So let's wait until they're done and then you can tell us what's on your mind Now. Another way to do this with young children, because young children you know you'll be sitting there all day with them and they don't want to have anything to do with you. But the minute the phone rings or someone comes to talk to you, all of a sudden they're all over you. So here's what you can do. You can teach your child so they don't interrupt. They can walk up to you and they can just put their hand on your arm or your leg as a signal to you that they want to speak to you, and you can just look at them and nod. Let them know that as soon as I'm done, we'll have a conversation.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and use role-playing. Remember we talked about role-playing when we talked about self-control last week. So use role-playing to show them what respectful behavior looks like in different situations, because they may not know, they may not have ever seen it before. So if you practice it with them in a safe and supportive environment in your home and show them what it looks like, then that's going to help them know what to do when they are out in situations where they need to show that respect to others. So role play for them. How to greet somebody politely, how to resolve a disagreement, how to introduce themselves to somebody new those are all great skills that they're going to need through life. So practice it at home. Role play with them. Then it becomes familiar and it's not such a weird thing for them to do. And of course, we always reinforce that rhyme there. Did you catch that Positive behavior by praising the children when they do show respect, when they do what we, when they do what we want them to do.

Speaker 1:

Let them know you value that, that their kindness and consideration for others was noticed, and praise them for it. Like, I noticed how you waited patiently while your friend was talking. That was very respectful, good job. Because listen, when you're praising your child, that's a form of attention, that's positive attention. They want your attention and if they can get it and it's positive, even better. So use positive reinforcement and then teach them empathy. And they learn empathy by you saying how do you think that person felt Right? We had that discussion earlier in this episode episode.

Speaker 1:

But you go into that a little bit like say they have, maybe they had a disagreement with their friend and they came into you, were telling, telling you about it, and you can say well, how do you think your friend felt when you said that? I mean, how would you feel if they said or did that to you? And so you walk them through that episode and discuss it with them, okay, so, let so, let's say, let's give some more scenarios here Showing respect to teachers. Oh, my goodness, okay. Oh, here's another soapbox I get up on, because let me tell you something when I grew up, you respected your teachers, no questions asked, and if you had a problem with the teacher, that was not your job as a child. To challenge the teacher, to question the teacher, to be disrespectful to the teacher, that was your job. To say yes, ma'am, or yes, sir, and then go home and tell your parent. And then your parent handled that because that's their job. And for some reason that has gotten lost in translation somewhere and I hear from a lot of parents that say no, my child has the right to question a teacher. My child has the right to talk back if they think the teacher's being disrespectful and rude. Oh, my goodness, don't even get me started on that. That's mind-blowing, and I'll tell you what. That's one of the reasons why we're seeing problems in schools today, why teachers are bailing out as fast as they can, and I don't blame them because parents are neglecting to teach their children basic skills Showing respect to others that we're talking about today is one of the biggies.

Speaker 1:

When your child complains about the teacher and says you know, I don't want to follow the classroom rules, then you need to let your child know. Well, your teacher's job is to help you learn, and showing respect means you listen and follow the rules. So let's talk about how you can express your feelings to your teacher respectfully. In my opinion, children should not be discussing things with the teacher or challenging her or him. Now, if they're in high school, maybe, and the teacher says something and they can have a respectful discussion, that's one thing. But when you have a young child talking back to a teacher, being disrespectful, misbehaving terribly, there's just a big breakdown somewhere happening. And you know what? I don't feel sorry for the parents. I feel sorry for the child because they're going to have some serious, serious problems in life.

Speaker 1:

You could teach your child respectfully how to have conversations with the adult. For example, you can say excuse me, I'm having a hard time with this rule. Can we talk about it? And you know, maybe the teacher says yes, maybe teacher says no, but then your child has to respect that. And then they come home to you and they talk to you about it. A child's brain is not developed. They do not have the maturity level, they do not have the intellectual ability, they do not have the experience of an adult to handle those situations. That's your job as a parent. You handle it. You talk to the teacher and if you don't have, you know, resolution with the teacher, you go to the principal or you go to the superintendent, you go up that chain of command. But that is not your child's job to handle that. That's your job to handle that.

Speaker 1:

Okay, let's give you another scenario here. Say, your child makes fun of a peer who has different interests or maybe comes from a different background. That's a great opportunity for you to teach your child. You know everyone's unique and it's important to respect what other people feel and why they're different and their cultures or whatever it is. So imagine, tell them this, imagine how you would feel if someone made fun of you for liking something. So let's think of ways we can appreciate others instead of making fun of them. And one thing you can do you can encourage your child in this situation to find one or two positive things they like about that person and focus on, maybe, things that they have in common instead of what's different about them.

Speaker 1:

Now let's talk about sibling disagreements because, oh my goodness, I grew up with two brothers and a sister, two older brothers, younger sister, my brothers. They used to torment my sister and I sometimes. Now, let me just say something In the house. They were our siblings and they would agitate us. The siblings do that, but when we were outside of the household, we all had each other's backs. That was a given. That was understood from the beginning. We could, you know, fight and argue and call each other names and do that stuff in the household. I mean, we weren't allowed to do it. A lot of kids do it. But I knew the minute I walked out that door if somebody bothered me, all I had to do was say I'm going to tell my brothers and the kids would run because they knew my brothers would come after them and handle it.

Speaker 1:

You know, siblings they do, they argue, they say hurtful things to each other, but that's when you have a discussion with your children and you say look, we're a family and we respect each other and our family. Even when you're upset, it's important you speak kindly to each other. How do you think they feel when you say mean things to them? Let's practice what you can say in a respectful way, how you can tell them how you feel respectfully. So have them do that, practice with them. Sit them down and say, okay, let's pretend you had an argument about something and how are we going to respectfully resolve this disagreement? And then you can say use I statements like well, I feel upset when you take my tour without asking Right? So teach them the words that they need to use to express how they're feeling. So teaching respect is crucial for raising kind, empathetic and well-rounded children, but it's a skill that's going to benefit them in all areas of life, from their family to their friendships and eventually even their professional lives. Obviously, by modeling respectful behavior, setting those clear expectations and reinforcing positive interactions, you can instill this value in them early on and then help them develop into considerate, respectful adults.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Common Sense Parenting with Pam. I hope you enjoyed the episode and, if you did. Please leave a review. That helps other parents find us, and if you have friends who also have children and could use some parenting tips, feel free to share this. I would really appreciate it and you know I'd love to hear from you so you can always find me on my socials. And until then, remember, hug and love your babies.