Common Sense Parenting with Pam

Foundational Skills #8: Accountability

• Pam Palanza • Season 1 • Episode 8

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Unlock the secrets to raising accountable children with Common Sense Parenting with Pam. Have you ever wondered how fostering accountability from a young age can transform your child's development? In this episode, I promise to deliver actionable insights that will empower you to set age-appropriate expectations and use real-life scenarios to teach your children the value of owning their actions and understanding their impact on others. From toddlers learning to clean up spills to teens navigating problem-solving, you'll discover practical tips for instilling the art of sincere apologies and modeling accountability yourself. Together, we'll explore how these skills can enhance your child's relationships, independence, and resilience, preparing them for a successful adulthood.

Parenting isn’t about perfection; it's a journey of progress. I’ll invite you to embrace continuous learning and improvement, cherishing the everyday moments that make parenting so rewarding. Let's connect on social media to share your own experiences and thoughts as we support each other in raising happy, responsible children. Whether you're juggling toddlers or teens, these insights are crafted to help you navigate the ups and downs of parenting with common sense and humor. So grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and let's embark on this journey together.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the podcast where we simplify parenting with common sense tips, real life scenarios and a little bit of humor along the way. I'm Pam and I'm here to help you build the skills and confidence you need to raise happy, resilient and responsible children. So grab your coffee, take a deep breath and let's tackle parenting one common sense tip at a time. Welcome back to Common Sense Parenting with Pam. I'm Pam and today we're going to dive into a foundational skill that is absolutely essential for every child's success, and that is accountability. We're going to discuss why it's important, how it impacts a child's life, and share some practical scenarios and tips to help you teach accountability to your children. But, as you can tell from my voice, I have been struggling with a cold for the last couple weeks. Two visits to urgent care it's that time of year here I live in the south It'll be 32 at night and it'll be 60 during the day. This happens every year, so I'll power my way through this for you.

Speaker 1:

Okay, why is accountability important? Well, it's about owning our own actions and understanding how they impact others. When children learn this skill early, it lays the groundwork for their personal responsibility, for strong relationships and success for them in school, work and life. Without accountability, kids may struggle to recognize their role in problems, avoid responsibility or blame others and we all probably know an adult who fits that description right. Nothing's ever their fault. Everyone else is responsible. They don't take personal responsibility. It doesn't make for a pleasant person to be around.

Speaker 1:

So let's talk about a quick example. Say, for instance, your child forgets their homework and if they don't learn accountability, they might try to blame it on the teacher Well, it's her fault, she assigns too much homework. Or say you didn't remind me to take my homework. On the other hand, if you've taught your child accountability, they'll say oh, I forgot to pack my homework. I'll try to remember it next time. There is a big difference, right, between the two. How does accountability affect your child's life? Well, number one it creates stronger relationships. So accountability helps children build trust with others. When they make their mistakes and they admit to it and make it right, people see them as honest and dependable. Number two it makes them better at problem solving and I did. I think the very first podcast episode was on problem solving, so if you've missed that, go back and listen to that one. When your children are accountable. They don't shy away from challenges. So instead of blaming others, they'll ask like what can I do to fix this? Number three it teaches them resilience and independence. Right, that's another podcast episode. When children own their actions, they're more likely to learn from those mistakes and grow. This builds resilience and it helps them become independent, which then number four prepares them for adulthood, because as adults, we need to be accountable in life, in work, in relationships.

Speaker 1:

Teaching your children accountability now sets them up for long-term success. This is not something you wait to do when they're older. This is something you start when they're young. So how can you make this happen? We'll go through some examples. Start with age-appropriate expectations. So, let's say, for toddlers, two to four years old, you start with small things. If your child spills their juice, instead of saying it's okay, I'll clean it up, you hand them a paper towel and you say let's clean this together Now. They might not do a perfect job, but it teaches them that they're part of the solution For preschoolers, four to six-year-olds.

Speaker 1:

Give them simple tasks like feeding the dog or setting the table, and if they forget, you guide them. You gently remind them hey, the dog's waiting for the food you need to take care of that. Okay, oh, I see you haven't set the table yet. You need to get started. For older kids seven to 12, they can handle more responsibility. 7 to 12, they can handle more responsibility. So if they leave their bike outside and it rains, you resist the urge to go and fix it for them. Instead, you say hey, it's raining outside and your bike's getting wet. What are you going to do about it? Or maybe it already has rained and the bike's gotten wet and you say hey, I noticed your bike got wet. What do you think you can do in the future to prevent this from happening again? Let them do some problem solving and take accountability for the fact that they left the bike outside. You can also model accountability. I say this all the time.

Speaker 1:

Children learn by watching. If you make a mistake, own it. For instance, if you forget to pick up milk, say oh, I forgot to grab milk today. I'll make a note so I can remember tomorrow. That shows them that it's okay to admit mistakes and take steps to correct them. It's not the end of the world. Use natural consequences, because we know they are powerful teachers. If your child refuses to wear a coat, they're going to be cold. That's a natural consequence. It is a gentle way to help them connect their choices with their outcomes. I promise you they will survive.

Speaker 1:

Teach them the art of apologizing. An accountable child knows how to apologize sincerely when siblings fight. Guide them. Can you tell your brother how you feel and what you'll do differently next time? Encourage them to give meaningful apologies, not just say I'm sorry. They need to say why they're sorry and acknowledge what they did and how they can do it differently next time. Obviously, you're going to encourage problem solving Instead of solving every problem for your child. Here comes the helicopter parent. Here, right, no more helicopter parenting. You ask them what do you think you can do to fix this? You know, if they accidentally broke a toy, involve them in finding a solution like gluing it back together, saving money to replace it. They need to take accountability and they need to figure out how to solve these problems. So let's get into some scenarios here.

Speaker 1:

Your child forgot their homework at home, instead of you rushing to take the homework to them at school Now, I did a whole reel about this kind of stuff before because I have some strong feelings about this. But instead of rushing it to deliver it to the child, say well, what do you think you can do next time? I can't bring it to you today. So encourage them then to create a checklist or set a reminder for the next time. And now they're going to have to take accountability for the fact that they forgot their homework and there's probably going to be consequences from the school, from the teacher or from their education in general because they did not complete their homework. But you, as a parent, need to teach them to be accountable instead of constantly bailing them out.

Speaker 1:

Okay, let's say you have two children. They're fighting, one hits the other. So instead of punishing right away, you say what happened? Tell me what happened, what could you have done differently? So you get them to apologize and suggest a way to make amends like sharing a toy or helping their sibling. So guide them Now. With younger children you may have to really guide them. With older children, you can let them try to figure this out for themselves.

Speaker 1:

There comes the problem-solving again here. Okay, say your child forgets to take out the trash. The trash man's come and gone, trash can is still sitting there full and it's frustrating, right as a parent. So, instead of nagging, say the trash wasn't taken out. What's your plan to make sure it gets done? Hmm, what are you going to do? Because trash man doesn't come till next week? So let them own that task. Let them come up with some solutions of what they're going to do, because trash man doesn't come until next week. So let them own that task. Let them come up with some solutions of what they're going to do, and maybe, again, you get into how can we set a reminder for you to remember when trash day comes. So here are some common challenges and how you can handle them.

Speaker 1:

Excuses and blaming so this is where we see children who don't have accountability and we see adults that don't have accountability that fall back on this excuses and blaming tactic right. So when your child says something like it's not my fault, then you can say well, what part of this do you think you could control? So help them see the role in this, without blaming them and shaming them, but ask them, like what part of this could you control and what could you do differently? A lot of times, children fear consequences, which is why they don't want to take accountability right. So you can assure your child by saying, hey, everyone makes mistakes, they're learning opportunities. What's important is how we fix them and that we own them. And then, if they're reluctant to apologize, let them know that apologizing isn't admitting that they're bad. No child is bad. Their behavior may be inappropriate, but they're not bad that word. When I hear parents telling children they're bad, I just cringe. Say it's not about admitting that you're bad. It's showing that you care and you might even role play some situations with them for them to get some practice on all of this.

Speaker 1:

Accountability is a skill that takes time and patience, but it's worth the effort to invest this time into teaching your child these skills at a very young age. When we teach our children to own their actions, we are giving them a gift that will serve them for life. Now remember this is not about being perfect. It's about progress. So this is not going to happen overnight. This is a process that may take some time and you may have to coach and guide for a while until they start to understand it. But you know what, when they do finally get it, when they do own up to a mistake, when they do take accountability and you know, let's just say it's not always fun to admit you were wrong or you made a mistake. That's a very vulnerable position to be in, especially for a child. So celebrate the small wins, keep guiding them with patience and love, praise them when they do take accountability and own up for what they've done.

Speaker 1:

So thank you for tuning in today. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with other parents. And let me give you a little sneak peek. I'm working on a special project that is rolling out January 14th and part of that will be extended episodes of our podcast. So on these, I just do quick, short bites, I call them snacks, but then we're going to, you know, serve the whole meal, okay, and you'll have to be on the lookout for the announcement on that, and you can go to PamelaPolanzocom to find out more details when I release it.

Speaker 1:

So until next time, remember, parenting isn't about perfection, it's about progress. You've got this. Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Common Sense Parenting with Pam. I hope you enjoyed the episode and, if you did, please leave a review. That helps other parents find us. And if you have friends who also have children and could use some parenting tips, feel free to share this. I'd really appreciate it. You know, I'd love to hear from you, so you can always find me on my socials. And until then, remember, hug and love your babies.