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Common Sense Parenting with Pam
"Common Sense Parenting with Pam" is a podcast dedicated to helping parents of children ages 2-12 navigate the joys and challenges of parenting with practical, no-nonsense advice.
Each week, Pam, a social media influencer, parenting mentor, mom of four, and grandmother of eight, draws from her expertise in common sense parenting to offer bite-sized, actionable tips on managing behaviors, building strong family bonds, and raising resilient, responsible kids.
Tune in every Tuesday at 8A for fresh insights and real-life strategies that will empower you to parent with confidence and calm.
Perfect for busy parents looking for effective solutions that actually work!
Common Sense Parenting with Pam
Follower Favorites: Parenting Tips that Changed the Game
Parenting Vault
PamelaPalanza.com
Ever wonder how to transform everyday parenting challenges into opportunities for growth and connection? Join me, Pam, as we unpack common sense parenting strategies that truly work. This episode promises to equip you with invaluable insights gathered from a vibrant community of parents. Imagine turning routine car rides into heart-to-heart conversations or using household chores as a tool to foster responsibility early on. We delve into the art of maintaining open and honest communication with your children, all while keeping calm during those inevitable parenting storms. You'll leave with practical tips for handling discipline with grace and ensuring your promises are kept, which builds trust and respect.
In the second half, we explore the essence of presenting a united parenting front, regardless of relationship status. Discover how setting clear expectations and consistently following through can nurture independent, respectful, and responsible children. We discuss the profound impact of family dinners, not just for nourishment but as a cornerstone for building communication and cherished memories. Learn simple yet effective strategies like using water as a calming distraction and ensuring seamless communication between parents to avoid mixed signals. This episode is your guide to creating a loving and structured family environment where children can thrive.
Hello everyone, before we jump into today's podcast, I just want to take a minute to tell you about the Parenting Vault. Now, this is a project I put together that is exclusive content available to parents. It's all about common sense and it's for parents of children aged 2 to 12. It's a subscription-based program. You definitely will want to check this out, because this content is telling you how to, what to do, when to do it, why to do it. All of the questions and concerns that parents have I try to answer using this platform. It's also a community, so you can talk to other parents who are maybe going through some of the same challenges and struggles you are. So to check it out, go to my website, pamelapalanzacom. Click on Parenting Vault at the top in the nav menu and you'll have all the details there and there's a link to join. All right, now let's get on to the podcast.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the podcast where we simplify parenting with common sense tips, real life scenarios and a little bit of humor along the way. I'm Pam and I'm here to help you build the skills and confidence you need to raise happy, resilient and responsible children. So grab your coffee, take a deep breath and let's tackle parenting one common sense tip at a time. Hello everyone, and thanks for joining in. I am Pam, your host, and I'm so glad you joined me today because I am going to share some of the comments from a reel that I had posted about a week ago One parenting tip that has been an absolute game changer for your family. That has made all the difference. And that reel had 794 comments, so I clearly touched a nerve with parents. It had 66,000 views. So I want to read some of these comments to you, because there's some really good advice in here.
Speaker 1:Now for those of you who are just joining in I am a mom of four and a grandmother of eight, and if you're a new parent or you're going to be a parent someday, or even are a parent now and you're struggling, know that the struggle is real, that no parent is perfect. That does not exist. That is like a unicorn. So if you find yourself struggling with your parenting or you're feeling overwhelmed some days, give yourself grace, because we are not born knowing how to parent. We typically parent as we were parented, and they don't hand us a manual when we give birth or adopt a child. They're like here you go, here's your precious bundle, have fun, and you figure it out on your own. Sometimes you get it right and sometimes you screw it up royally, but hopefully your children survive. And let me just say this If you are struggling right now or you feel like you need help, take a class, take a course.
Speaker 1:There's so many things you can do online. There's books to buy, ask friends for support, look for a parenting class in your area, look for facebook groups for parents, and I have one called common sense parenting with pam and that's. I think we have 905 members. That is a free group and that's. I think we have 905 members. That is a free group and that's just parents asking questions on there. So feel free to join that group. I also have a couple of parenting books, but I'm not here to pitch anything and sell you. I'm just telling you there are a lot of options available to you. Take advantage of them.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's get into this. So these are some of the responses. One lady said my folks always said you can tell me anything and when I get down off the ceiling, I help you as best as I can, and they did. It worked for me as a parent. So basically what that is saying is have an open and honest communication channel with your children. Let them know they can discuss anything with you.
Speaker 1:I think that's brilliant. Never give a threat you don't intend to carry out, and I have done podcast episodes on this, I've done reels on this. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And if you say it, you need to follow through on it and be consistent every single time. Okay, calm parenting. Be that calm in the storm, and this is I mean. This is just basic, but a lot of times parents get overwhelmed or get upset or get frustrated and they resort to screaming or yelling. If you keep yourself calm, your expression calm your face, calm your tone, calm, it helps calm down the entire situation. So that's just a standard. Anywhere you go Okay, this, I love this one Any subject you want to talk about in the vehicle stays in the vehicle. Now I have heard and it was a father that actually responded to one of my reels that said girls usually like face-to-face talk, boys prefer side-to-side. So if you're in the vehicle with your children and I will tell you, prime time is taking them to school in the morning or bringing them home at the end of the day and just having these open conversations, and a lot of times they will tell you more than they would if you were sitting at home asking a bunch of questions. So a lot of times they just are more truthful and they feel more comfortable. And I love this one too.
Speaker 1:Never discipline your children in front of anybody outside of the family. You can discipline them privately. You don't want to discipline them publicly and humiliate them or embarrass them in front of others. Okay, children need to do chores. Amen, amen, amen. Start them as early as possible. Even as young as 18 months old. 12 months old, they're picking up toys. 18 months old, slip a sock on their hand and they can help you dust. They can pull the covers up on their bed. They're not going to do it perfectly, but you get them in the habit of participating in the family unit and helping maintain the household.
Speaker 1:Try not to say no. All right now. What this person says is try not to say no. Instead, say now. What this person says is try not to say no Instead say let's think this one over and plan it for another day. Okay, that's good, but personally I have no problem saying no. No Asked and answered no. So that's a personal choice. Obviously. Lots of love, of course, and a firm hand. Now, what that means is not spanking, which I'm totally opposed to, but that's a whole nother. I just did a podcast on that last week.
Speaker 1:But, being firm, you are the parent, and I've also done reels on this. You are the parent. You are not your child's friend, and I think sometimes that's where parents run into trouble, because they try to make their children happy all the time. I actually had one follower tell me she never wants to see her child sad, and none of us do. But that's not reality either. So better they learn that at home with you than out in the world where other people are just not going to care, that at home with you than out in the world where other people are just not going to care.
Speaker 1:Model the behavior you want to see in your child. Preach it. I say this all the time. I swear I'm going to get the word model tattooed on my arm. No, just joking, but I say this all the time, almost in every podcast I do or Facebook Live. I say model what you expect, because your children are watching you. You are their first teacher and they listen to you, they watch you, they see how you talk, they see how you treat people, they see how you handle situations and guess what they do. They model that because you're their parent and they think well, you must be right. Okay, this one I totally agree with. And they think, well, you must be right, okay, this one I totally agree with.
Speaker 1:Discipline means teach, not punish. Punish inflicts pain. Discipline is teaching. Read to them every night. I love that. I did that with all of my children. In fact, when my children were two years old, each of them, I took them to the library and they got a library card and we went to the library every single week. And I'll tell you what my children are all avid readers, but my daughter. I watch my grandson, my youngest grandson, every Wednesday morning and I'll say do you want to go to the library? And he will actually cheer. He gets so excited to go to the library. Now, granted, for him it's because there are a lot of toys there he can play with, but he also likes to get books, so that's awesome.
Speaker 1:Okay, never hand out punishment and anger. Consequences should be logical and provide a teaching moment and this correct. So if you are angry in a situation. Walk away for a minute if possible, or just take some deep breaths. Just say hold on a second. And I think I shared this one time. I was at my daughter's. It was right after Halloween and the children were laying all their candy. It's just three children, they're laying them all over the table and they're all excited and it was chaos. They were all calling mom, mom, mom and she just put her hand up. She said stop, I just need a second to breathe, give me five seconds. And she took a deep breath and they got quiet and she said okay, let's go. So it was wonderful. She didn't yell and say stop calling me or what do you want. She just said timeout, guys, timeout. And I believe fully in mom timeouts, dad timeouts, time ins, whatever you want to call them. Just step away for a minute, just take a breath. Nobody says you have to respond in that moment. Step away for a minute, just take a breath. Nobody says you have to respond in that moment.
Speaker 1:This next one is also brilliant Don't ask a question when you are giving a directive. For example, you don't say hey, do you want to put your shoes on? Or I hear parents do this all the time Time to put your shoes on, okay. Okay implies it's an option. Be direct. It's time to put your shoes on. We need to go Period. You can say please, obviously, but it's time to go. Smile.
Speaker 1:When your children enter the room, they will notice that they are loved and parents, whether you're together or you're divorced, you need to have a united front where your children are concerned. Your personal differences should not trickle down to your children. Never do for your child what they can do for themselves. Teach them young to be independent. Our children started doing their own laundry when they were like 7, 8, 9 years old. Not a problem. So encourage them to do that kind of stuff. Don't sweat the small stuff. We've all heard that. But when you are the thick of parenting, there comes a point where you have to go. Is this worth it? Is it worth the energy and the angst that I am creating around this? And if it's not, let it go Now. I always agree with this one, and I did this myself.
Speaker 1:If you're taking your children somewhere you're going to the store, you're going to a birthday party, you're going to an event you explain what I call expectations in advance. Here's where we're going. Here's probably how long we're going to be. Here's how I expect you to behave If you choose not to behave. And do you hear how I said if you choose, because this is a child's choice whether they're going to behave or not If you choose to not behave, we will leave instantly. And then you do it, you do it. And I actually had one follower I'm not sure if it was on this reel or not say she told her children they were going to Disneyland. She said if you don't behave, we're going to leave. She said they weren't even in the park very long and the children misbehaved and she turned around and left. Yes, it was an expensive lesson. Also, she said she threatened something she probably shouldn't have. She should have handled that differently. It could go either way here, but her children learned a very valuable lesson and so did she.
Speaker 1:So I know, growing up, we all ate dinner as a family around the table. We talked about our day, what happened at school, what's going on in our lives. We had asked to be excused to leave the table, and sometimes my father would say sure, and sometimes he would say no, you have to stay here and talk with the family, which was fine With our children when they were younger, we did all have dinner together and we did do that. But then of course, as they got older and they had sports and afterschool stuff that kind of changed and we it and they had sports and after school stuff, that kind of changed and it was hit or miss sometimes or we had to do dinner later or did it on the run. But if you can have dinner at least a couple nights a week with your family around the table, and that's sacred time.
Speaker 1:No devices, no anger. You're not discussing negative things. It is just an opportunity for everyone to share what is going on in their lives, ask for help if they need help with something, and that's valuable and it builds wonderful memories. I still have wonderful memories of sitting around the table with my family for dinner every night. Always follow through. Thank you, colleen, you are so right. My follower shared that one.
Speaker 1:Like I said, if you say you're going to do something, you must do it. If you tell your children you're going to do something, whether it's a positive or negative, you know, say well, yeah, I'm going to take you to, we're going to go to the park tomorrow, and then you don't for some reason. Or if you do that this is going to happen and then you don't follow through. You are teaching your children that you don't mean what you say and they don't have to listen to you and, trust me, you do not want to set them up for that. Okay, put them in water. That was the game changer. It always washes away the grumps and that's cute, and I heard that before.
Speaker 1:Like especially with younger children, if they're getting frustrated or having a difficult time, put them in the bathtub, go in the pool, put a bucket of water for them to play with their toys, put them in the sink washing dishes, put them in water. It's a distraction, basically, is what that is. So you can other than water. There's other things you can do, but that's a great one. Okay, always listen to your children, no matter what.
Speaker 1:What I find and I hear and I see a lot nowadays nowadays is parents talk at their children so much. Be quiet, listen. Listen to them. Instead of talking at them and trying to solve all their problems for them and telling them what they should do, sit back and listen. That is going to create a wonderful relationship with your children this one, obviously, as parents, you know this. They come and ask mom something and you say no, then they go to ask dad and he says yes, and then the children are like, yay, dad said, yes, we're going to go do it. So you have to make sure that if your children come to you and ask you something and you say no, that you let dad know that you've said no and that he backs you up. And remember you are the boss, you are in charge of your children. They are not in charge of the household you are. They do not always have to agree with everything you say, because you're the boss and you know what's best, because you're the adult and you've lived longer than they have and you have a lot more life experience than they have. So you're the boss.
Speaker 1:I jokingly used to tell my children when they were little if I asked them something and they would say yes, I would say you need to say yes, your royal highness, just kind of remind them I'm in charge, not them, and then love your children unconditionally. And this one is big, because there are times when your children are going to push every button you have and go to get on every one of your nerves right. There's that saying I have one nerve left and you're all over it. Separate your child from their behavior. Your child is your child. Their behavior is kind of like a separate entity. You might not like their behavior, but you love your child, so let them know. You can even say to them I don't like what you're doing right now, but I love you.
Speaker 1:Or I have parents that get upset whenever their children say I hate you. If your children says I hate you, don't take that personally. That's their emotions because they're frustrated, because they can't have their way, and you can say that's okay, that's okay, I'm your mom, I still love you and just walk away. Don't take it personally. And I remember one time saying to my child he or she said I hate you and I said that's okay, I'm not loving your behavior much right now either. That was it. Now I said I'm not loving your behavior, not them. Okay, very different. Give respect to get respect. So I hear sometimes parents yelling at their child and then the child yells back and the parent goes what are you yelling at me for? I'm your parent. Well, you just modeled that.
Speaker 1:So go back to earlier in the podcast where I said okay, we're going to wrap this up. There are so many of them. I can't go over all of them, but actions have consequences. Teach your children that, young, for every action there's an equal reaction, right, so it could be positive or negative, but they need to learn you have consequences for behavior. You are accountable for your behavior and also for those corresponding consequences. That's okay. All right, this too shall pass. Yes, I tell myself that a lot, even today. All right, this too shall pass. Tell your children that your children are going to face struggles in life. They're going to face challenges, situations that seem overwhelming to them, and you can offer them support and love and guidance and all that stuff, but just say, look, this too shall pass. And you can offer them support and love and guidance and all that stuff, but just say, look, this too shall pass.
Speaker 1:And there's one that no one said this in this real particular, but I watched a reel and I think I shared it the other day. It was on Instagram where a father said his daughter would come home from school and said somebody was calling her names or said something derogatory about her, and she would say, daddy, they called me names and he'd say well, do you believe that? She said well, no, okay, then don't waste your energy on it. Don't let someone else's opinion form your opinion of yourself. And I think that's really important that we teach our children that at a young age that they need to value themselves for who they are and not for what someone else thinks they are or says they are. Because children can be cruel, they can be mean and we all know there are children who bully right. So you need to teach your children to just go okay, thank you and walk away. To just go okay, thank you and walk away, because then when you take, you just take all the bluster out of a person when they're saying something negative and you just go okay, thank you, that's it, just okay, or just go okay. You don't have to thank them for it, just say okay, walk away. Don't engage. Teach your children that All right, guys. So just some good parenting tips that were shared.
Speaker 1:If you don't already follow me, follow me. I'm on Instagram. I'm on Facebook. It's Pamela Polanza. It's simple. My website is PamelaPolanzacom and I'm all about common sense parenting. Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Common Sense Parenting with Pam. I hope you enjoyed the episode and, if you did, please leave a review that helps other parents find us and if you have friends who also have children and could use some parenting tips, feel free to share this. I'd really appreciate it and you know I'd love to hear from you, so you can always find me on my socials. And until then, remember, hug and love your babies.