Common Sense Parenting with Pam

Parenting 101

• Pam Palanza • Season 2 • Episode 6

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PamelaPalanza.com

Ever felt like parenting is just one juggling act after another, and the system isn't cutting you any slack? Join me, Pam, as I share my candid thoughts on parenting reels that spotlight this very struggle. Today, we address the feeling many parents have—that the game is rigged when it comes to balancing work, home, and family life. It’s a discussion fueled by my experiences as a working parent, where I acknowledge the staggering demands but also the profound joys and nuances that come with raising kids. Think of it like owning a car; there’s a lot more to it than just driving.

Through humor and heartfelt honesty, I explore the generational shifts in parenting expectations and the mental load that modern parents carry. This episode is a call to embrace the reality of parenting with open eyes and a resilient heart. Whether you’re laughing at the chaos or nodding in agreement, my hope is to foster a community where we can all find strength in shared experiences and raise children who are both happy and resilient. Let's navigate these parenting realities together, one common sense tip at a time.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the podcast where we simplify parenting with common sense tips, real-life scenarios and a little bit of humor along the way. I'm Pam and I'm here to help you build the skills and confidence you need to raise happy, resilient and responsible children. So grab your coffee, take a deep breath and let's tackle parenting one common sense tip at a time. Hey everybody, thanks for listening in today. I'm glad you're with me. Today's going to be somewhat different. I'm going to just speak from the heart and share my opinion on some reels I've seen recently and my view of them. The most recent one was and I did a short reel about this this morning actually was a young mother talking about how the system was rigged against parents.

Speaker 1:

You know you have to work Nowadays. You know two people typically have to work to support a family, and I have news for you that's been going on for generations. I worked my whole life. I think there were six months I didn't work and that was before I had children. I've always worked, so my husband and I always were working full-time and still managing to take care of our family.

Speaker 1:

But this mother's concern was she felt overwhelmed. You know she has to take the children to school and pick them up from school, and then there's summer that they're off, and holidays that they're off, and teacher work days that they're off, and spring breaks and fall breaks, and then she still has to work and do the laundry and cook and clean and take care of the house and still have time for her spouse. And yes, that's called parenting. That's what is involved in parenting and I know it's overwhelming, I know it's exhausting, I know time is precious when you're a parent. There never seems to be enough of it. You never get enough sleep. There are days you're ready to scream and pull your hair out, but there's obviously so much joy and blessings and love and having children. However, I'm not sure where the disconnect is here, why she expected the system to be supportive of her, and I think and I'm just going to give you my thoughts here I think just this different generation who was raised to be more entitled to expect things to be given to them and that if things don't go their way, they don't know how to handle it, and that's where they get anxious and have depression and anxiety and a lot of other mental health issues. Not to say that we didn't in our generations. I'm just saying it just seems to be more prevalent and more talked about now.

Speaker 1:

However, that's what parenting is, and so, before people choose to have children, they need to be aware of what's involved in the responsibilities of having children, aware of what's involved in the responsibilities of having children. You know, it's like you go and buy a car right, and then you go wait, I have to pay for it and I have to clean it and maintain it and pay taxes and insurance and inspection and property taxes on it, and I have to repair it and I have to get new tires on it and I have to get them rotated. What, what? I just wanted a car. I didn't know. All this came with it. It's kind of a silly analogy, but I'm just saying.

Speaker 1:

Parenting is tough, and so I'm not sure where the disconnect is here, where people think, oh, all of a sudden the system's not supporting them. It never has, it never has, never. And let me just tell you, in an ideal world it would, and I wish for all parents everywhere that there was the support they need. And maybe you're blessed enough to have the finances where you can hire help. You can hire, you know, caregivers or after school care, or nannies or housekeepers, or someone to do your shopping for you and cook your meals and do all those things would be wonderful. That's not reality for most people. Being a parent is tough and all of those things come with it, and I feel sorry for the people who expect it to be different, because it's not going to be anytime soon.

Speaker 1:

And when I watched this reel, my first instinct was to laugh because I thought she was joking, and then I realized she was serious. And then reading the comments, where all these moms were going yes, that's how I feel. I'm in fight or flight. I feel overwhelmed. I'm tired. That's been generations of moms and dads mostly moms, but generations. This is nothing new, nothing new. And my next reaction was to say suck it up, buttercup. That's just the way it is and that really is just the way it is.

Speaker 1:

But I also want to offer support to this mom and to other moms, because I've been there, I've done it. I remember those days. I know how tough it was. I remember crying in the shower because I was so exhausted. I remember those days. I know how tough it was. I remember crying in the shower because I was so exhausted. I remember being sick and still having to take care of my children. I mean, if you're a parent, you've been there most likely, or you will be at some point and you're going to have to deal with this. We need to support each other. But I also want parents to realize the realities and responsibilities of having children, and if you don't have children yet and you're thinking about it, you need to be thinking of these responsibilities. Which kind of segues me into the whole child care world, because I've lived in that world for 40 years.

Speaker 1:

I've talked to hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of parents over the years to help them find child care and one of the things that shocks them is the cost. When I start talking to them about what it costs for child care, their eyeballs kind of get big and they're startled. They're like what I have to pay this much for child care? Are you kidding me? That's like my mortgage. How can I afford to pay that? Typically, your child care is secondary to your mortgage or your rent. Sometimes it could be even slightly more or equal to, and as people have more and more children and those costs accrue and then they're like we can't afford this. Well, you should have thought about that in advance. And I know sometimes you don't plan on getting pregnant. You just get pregnant. Whatever your scenario is or you adopt a child or you're raising someone else's child, whatever it may be. But understand this, that's also part of it. And it's costly to have children.

Speaker 1:

And I'll never forget one client that came in to me and she said I'm not pregnant yet, we are planning within the next year to get pregnant and I'm doing an Excel spreadsheet of all of the anticipated costs. Now, this was the financial cost. She wasn't calculating the emotional, the physical, the time cost. She was looking at finances, which I applauded her for. I never had any other client do that. But she literally said to me what is it going to cost for child care, say, next year at this time? And I gave her an estimate.

Speaker 1:

And of course, it depends on whether you're using a nanny, whether you're using a child care center, a child care home, a friend, a grandma, whether you're going to just quit your job and stay home. And I even had counseled some clients on okay, here are your options. This is what's going to cost you, could you? And they would say I want to stay home with my child. Okay, let's talk about how you can make that happen.

Speaker 1:

Could you downsize your house? You don't have to have a five-bedroom house on an acre of ground that's 10,000 square feet. Could you downsize? Could you sell one of your brand-new cars and just go with a used car or share one car? What can you cut back? What costs can you cut back to make it easy for you to stay at home?

Speaker 1:

So these are just considerations that you need to take into account if you're planning on having children, and even if you already have children, because I don't think and I know I didn't you get it. Until you've had children, you have no clue. And people can tell you and I'm sitting here telling you, but trust me, until you actually have that child in hand, you have no clue. And as they grow, your expenses that you incur increase. The time you have to spend increases. The emotional capacity you have to put out is more the physical capacity. Things change as they grow and develop and it depends on the number of children you have, right. So a lot of variables here.

Speaker 1:

All I want to say is I get it. I totally, totally get it, trust me. I'm on the other end of this now and I have children, with grandchildren. And I know people would look at me sometimes and go how did you do that? How did you do everything you did? Because, quite frankly, my husband was not around much. He worked a lot and I was the one who did everything for the most part. And they'd say how did you do that? Even my children will say to me mom, we're not sure how you did all that. And my response to that is I don't know either. It was survival mode.

Speaker 1:

As a parent, you do what you have to do. As a mom, you do what you have to do. Are you tired? Yes, are you overwhelmed sometimes? Yes, are you frustrated and angry and ready to lose your mind some days? Absolutely. But in the end it is worth every second that you spend. So I just want to say be kind, kind to yourself, extend yourself, grace, look for support, find other moms. If you have family that can help you, if you do have the financial means to hire help, by all means do it. But just know the system is not here to support you. You are here to figure out how to work around the system. You are here to figure out how to work around the system. Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Common Sense Parenting with Pam. I hope you enjoyed the episode and, if you did, please leave a review. That helps other parents find us, and if you have friends who also have children and could use some parenting tips, feel free to share this. I would really appreciate it. No-transcript.