Common Sense Parenting with Pam

Goodbye Meltdowns, Hello Smooth Transitions

• Pam Palanza • Season 2 • Episode 7

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Transitions can be challenging for children and stressful for parents, leading often to meltdowns. The episode offers simple strategies to facilitate smoother transitions, aiming to empower parents with effective tools and a positive mindset.

• Exploring why transitions are challenging for young children 
• Importance of giving advanced warnings to kids 
• Utilizing timers, visual cues, and signals for smoother transitions 
• Incorporating fun games and interactive approaches 
• Emphasizing the role of consistency in handling transitions 
• Encouraging parents to remain calm and avoid power struggles 
• Acknowledging children’s emotions during transitions 
• Practical tips for creating a transition toolkit 

Please leave a review. That helps other parents find us, and if you have friends who also have children and could use some parenting tips, feel free to share this.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the podcast where we simplify parenting with common sense tips, real life scenarios and a little bit of humor along the way. I'm Pam and I'm here to help you build the skills and confidence you need to raise happy, resilient and responsible children. So grab your coffee, take a deep breath and let's tackle parenting one common sense tip at a time. Hello everybody, and welcome to our episode today where we are talking about transitioning without meltdowns. Now, if you're a parent, I'm sure you have dealt with this, and if you haven't prepare yourself because most likely you will at some point you have children. Transitions can be challenging for young children and they can have meltdowns. They start screaming, they have tantrums. It could. It can be something as simple as having to leave the park, turning off their iPads for your older kiddos or, you know, getting ready to go to bed at night, and they don't want to, and they make excuses and reasons and try to negotiate and compromise and all that good stuff. So it can get a little bit challenging and we're going to talk about some simple and effective strategies to make the transition smoother, make your life a little easier and your child's as well. But let's talk about why they're so challenging in the first place. Well, there's several reasons. One is maybe your child didn't hear you when you asked them to do something you know it's time to leave the park or it's time to get ready for bed because they just didn't hear you. They were busy doing what they were doing, and they were either so engaged in what they were doing that they truly just did not hear you because their brains just don't, you know, switch gears as quickly as ours do, and they're so engrossed in what they're doing they tune you out right. Or maybe they just used their selective hearing and they decided they didn't want to have to listen to you. So that's a skill that they particularly master when they're teenagers. So get prepared for that if you're not experiencing that already.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes struggle is tough. You have some neurodivergent kiddos that change is really challenging for them, and so you have to kind of ease into it and use some different techniques to make that a smoother process. Young children don't understand the concept of time. So when you're saying to your like two, three, four, five-year-old, we have to go in five minutes, you might as well be speaking a foreign language. They have no idea what that means. So we're going to teach you some techniques you can use instead. And then those sudden changes. So some children they can ease into changes a little bit better than others and some of those sudden changes, without you giving warning, that can really trigger their frustration, their resistance, you know. And then that's when they have those full-blown meltdowns sometimes. What do you do about it? How can you handle this? Well, here we go.

Speaker 1:

Here are some simple ideas and things that you can do to make things smoother. So number one, we all know this you give advanced warnings, obviously, so you have to let them know that a transition is coming so they have time to prepare. For example, with older children you could say five more minutes, we're leaving. Or for younger children, two more times down the slide leaving. Or for younger children, two more times down the slide. And then we need to go. And here's an example I had my three-year-old grandson yesterday at an indoor play place and it was getting ready to leave time and I said three more runs down that track and we need to go, because it was like a little track that you could ride a cart down in. We did that three more times and then we went and no problem, he knew he was prepared. He counted them out. I even counted them out with him, so it was great. You can use timers, countdowns or visual cues. So me saying three more slides down or three more rides down, that was like a countdown for him. We counted three, two, one.

Speaker 1:

You can use timers. Kitchen timers are amazing. If you're at home, use the kitchen timer, set it say it's going to be bedtime in 10 minutes and you tell your children when this dings it's time for you to start getting ready for bed. I had him my grandson, at my house yesterday and afternoon and we were, he was painting and then he was playing with and he was really engrossed in having fun. But it was time for me to get him home. So I picked up my phone and I set an alarm on my phone and I showed him and I said when this rings, that means it's time to stop and clean up. And I set it for three minutes and the minute it went off, he immediately stopped what he was doing and he cleaned up the blocks. I didn't have to repeat myself. So it's a wonderful tool to use.

Speaker 1:

So use those apps on your phone, particularly with older kids. You can use those. And then you can use visual cues like the sand timers. You know, you put those sand timers down and you say, say, your daughter's at the table doing her art and you need to use the table to serve dinner shortly. You can set a sand timer on the table and turn it over and say, as soon as the sand gets to the bottom, it's time for you to start cleaning up. So you've set it, she's got that visual cue and as soon as that happens, she can start cleaning up. The other thing you can do is use a whistle. Now I did a Facebook live about this very topic so you can go back and watch that if you want.

Speaker 1:

But I have six grandchildren live in the area, two that live about an hour and a half away. And the one day I was at the park with six of my grandchildren they were ranging in age from two to 13, 12 at that time and it was me and we're at the park and they're running around, and what I told them before we went into the park was I have a whistle, just like a whistle a rep would use or a coach would use, had it around my neck. I said when you're playing the minute you hear this whistle you are to stop and come to me check in. So I would blow the whistle. Now did people look at me? Yes, there were people at the park going. What is she doing? But all six of my grandchildren ran to me. Now the younger ones had to be reminded a couple of times, but so we practiced this and then I blew the whistle and it was time to go. I blew the whistle, they'll come running over. I said okay, guys, it's time to go.

Speaker 1:

You know, use what you can where you are. I mean, it worked for me, I personally. Some you know, use what you can where you are. I mean, it worked for me, I personally. Some people say why be embarrassed to do that? People are looking at me. I don't really care what people think of me. I haven't for a very long time, so it didn't bother me to do that, but it worked. It worked. You know, use what you can.

Speaker 1:

So you can create, also like a countdown, cards which are index cards with five, you know, down to to zero, and so if you're at the park with your children you're out somewhere, they're playing you can show them the five you know. You can teach them. When I get, when I show you the zero, it's time to go. When I start showing you the numbers, then it's time for you to start winding down. And once we get to the zero and you can have the zero, like in a red color or green to go, it's time to leave. So they've kind of eased their way out. You can use the traffic light system, which is similar. It's index cards and you have a green say circle on there. That means it's time to play. Yellow is five-minute warning. We're going to clean up. Red means stop Now. With the younger children, once you get to stop, that would be the time they clean up. With the older children, once they see yellow, that's their time to start cleaning up. So the younger children are going to understand that.

Speaker 1:

And you can use music. When I had my child care home and it was time to clean up, I would put a song on, the same song every day and I wouldn't say a word and I just put the music up loud enough so they could hear it, because they were engaged in free play, so they're really engrossed and having fun. But I would put the song on and now would they immediately stop what they were doing and start cleaning up. No, but probably within about 20, 30 seconds they realized that they were hearing the music and they knew that was their signal to start cleaning up. And that's how I used it effectively. And I also had hats that I would wear for different times of the day. So I had a hat that I glued like a fork and a spoon on a plastic one and I would just walk around and point to the hat and they knew that was time for lunch. I had one that I glued the cover of a book on an old book on and they I would just point to it and they knew it was story time, so they would come and sit down for story time. So I tried to teach them the signals without me having to say too much Made my life easier and they knew what they needed to do, so it was very effective. Much Made my life easier and they knew what they needed to do, so it was very effective.

Speaker 1:

And then this idea I love they take a transition buddy or a stuffed animal. It can be a little dinosaur, it can be a little doll, baby doll, it can be whatever, and they have it at the park with them and when it's time to go, say, from the park or wherever you are, that object or that baby doll waves goodbye to everybody and everything. Go out by the swings. Let's say goodbye to the park or wherever you are, they, that object or that baby doll waves goodbye to everybody and everything. Go out by the swings. Let's say goodbye to the park, and that helps them transition out into the car. Now the other thing. I love.

Speaker 1:

This I learned recently and I shared this reel. It's not my idea, I'm not taking credit for this, but this is brilliant and I'm sharing it, so it is on my Facebook page. I have been an early childhood for 40 years and I'm sharing it, so it is on my Facebook page. I have been in early childhood for 40 years and I've never heard this before. It's genius and I do it with my grandson all the time now and it's so effective. So here's the idea on this.

Speaker 1:

You know two, three, four year olds. They don't have logical reasoning brains when you're saying things to them like come on, we got to go right now because we have to get to the store, and if I don't get to the store, I'm not going to have time to make dinner. Okay, save your breath. Or you want them to come to you and they're across the room and you're asking them to come to you and they're ignoring you. I'll give you an example. So I was at my daughter's house and picking up my take him out every Wednesday morning and we spend time together. I love it.

Speaker 1:

He was standing in the kitchen near his dad and I was in the dining room sitting at a table and I wanted him to come to me because I needed to brush his hair. He has long hair and I usually brush and pull it back in a ponytail or something for him. So I said buddy, come on, let's go. We need to get ready to go to the library. Let me comb your hair. He just looked at me. Okay, so did you hear what I said to him? That was logical. He could care less. I need to comb your hair because we want to go to the library. You need to come over here. And he was thinking oh, I don't want you to brush my hair. So I tried this. I looked at him. What this woman says is children are about their senses, as we all know, not logical. They're about feeling, touching, tasting, that kind of stuff. So I said I'll bet you can't hook your little pinky finger to mine. He flew across that room, hooked his pinky finger to mine. I put his little body between my legs and I brushed his hair. We went to the library. I have done it so many times since.

Speaker 1:

At this age children love fun and games. So you make it fun. So you're leaving the park and you can say let's see who can get to the car like superheroes the fastest. Or I count them. And again for two to five I've even done this with my earl granddaughter I would say, hey, I need you to go put your shoes on. I bet you can't do it by the time I count to 10, off they go. Or my grandson the youngest, I know he has to go put your shoes on. I bet you can't do it by the time I count to 10, off they go. Or my grandson the youngest, I know he has to go to the bathroom. He's potty trained. But I know he has to go. But he's kind of resisting and I'll say do you need to go potty? And he'll say no. And I'll say I'll bet I can get to the bathroom faster than you, can.

Speaker 1:

It fun? It does not have to be daunting and a conversation and lots of talk and discussion. It's just fun. Make it work. Offer like a what's next phrase. So say you're at the park and you know you need to go home, and you could say, hey, let's go home and make a snack together. So you've taken their focus on what they're doing and let's go do this instead, that's next on what they're doing and let's go do this instead, that's next. It can make that much more positive, that redirection much more positive. And then, with young kids, they benefit the most from visual timers, the sand timers, those musical cues we've talked about. You can also do things like hey, when this song ends, it's time to turn off your tablet. Next thing you can do is you can dim lights to signal transition time. I know when I was in school, teachers used to do that all the time. They dim the lights. That meant quiet. You can dim the lights to get their attention, to say hey, when I turn the lights down, that means it's time to put your stuff away and get ready for bed.

Speaker 1:

One lady shared a reel and I posted on my page as well. I love this idea. She said when her it's time for bedtime. She said, her and her husband constantly happen to have conversations with the children about bedtime and the resistance and asking for more time. And so what they did is they have several Lex's in their house and they programmed them all to come on seven o'clock every night, this one particular song song. They no longer have to say a word as soon as that song starts playing in the house. Wherever children are, they can hear it. They automatically know it's time to wrap it up and time for bedtime routine. And she said it has like changed their life.

Speaker 1:

And one thing you have to remember is kids learn best through repetition, over and over and over. So so when you do this, be consistent with what you're doing and once they know the pattern, they're going to adjust more easily over time. For example, like, if they know the screen time always ends with the timer, they'll start expecting it. Make sure you do it every time and do not cave into the commands or demands for extra time. Please, please, please. One more minute. Stay consistent with this and you know what. It's okay if they're upset. They're allowed to be upset and you can acknowledge that. You know. You can say hey, I understand, I see you're upset. It's hard to stop playing. You had so much fun, but it's time to go. We need to go.

Speaker 1:

I hope those ideas give you some tools that you can add to your parent toolkit. Remember I say you know, just like a construction worker or contractor has that toolkit strapped on him or her with all the tools in there, you need to have the same thing. You need a variety of tools in your toolkit that you can pull out as needed. So when they do still resist, now you've tried some things and maybe you've told them I see you. So when they do still resist, now you've tried some things and maybe you've told them I see you're upset, but they still resist.

Speaker 1:

Stay calm. Do not engage in power struggles with your children. You're the boss, you're in charge. They don't have to like it, it just is what it is. So stay calm, keep your tone neutral. Use the hey when we get home. You Use the hey. When we get home, you can have a snack, or when we do this, you can do this. Let's try the when-then approach and then follow through, like I said every single time. So remember, handling transitions does not have to be a battle. Give warnings, make it fun and offer what next focus and it can work wonders. Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Common Sense Parenting with Pam. I hope you enjoyed the episode and, if you did, please leave a review. That helps other parents find us, and if you have friends who also have children and could use some parenting tips, feel free to share this. I would really appreciate it and you know I'd love to hear from you, so you can always find me on my socials. And until then, remember, hug and love your babies.