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Common Sense Parenting with Pam
"Common Sense Parenting with Pam" is a podcast dedicated to helping parents of children ages 2-12 navigate the joys and challenges of parenting with practical, no-nonsense advice.
Each week, Pam, a social media influencer, parenting mentor, mom of four, and grandmother of eight, draws from her expertise in common sense parenting to offer bite-sized, actionable tips on managing behaviors, building strong family bonds, and raising resilient, responsible kids.
Tune in every Tuesday at 8A for fresh insights and real-life strategies that will empower you to parent with confidence and calm.
Perfect for busy parents looking for effective solutions that actually work!
Common Sense Parenting with Pam
Instant Obedience: 10 Secrets to Getting Your Child Listen the First Time
"Why won't my child listen the first time?" ranks among the top frustrations parents face daily. The cycle of repeating instructions, raising your voice, and feeling ignored doesn't just drain your energy—it teaches children they don't need to respond until you've reached your breaking point.
Drawing from years of experience working with families, I'm sharing ten game-changing secrets that transform how children respond to your voice. These aren't complicated techniques requiring psychology degrees—they're straightforward, common-sense approaches that work with real kids in real homes.
You'll discover why getting eye contact before speaking makes all the difference, how your rambling explanations actually teach children to tune you out, and why the magic of "when-then" language eliminates power struggles instantly. I break down why consistency matters more than you think, demonstrate how praising good listening creates more of it, and explain why natural consequences teach more effectively than threats ever could.
What makes these strategies different is their practical nature. You can implement them immediately, seeing results often within days. As one parent told me after trying these approaches: "For the first time in years, I feel like my words matter in my own home."
Whether you're parenting toddlers or teens, these principles build respectful communication while reducing household tension. I even share a funny story about my 12-year-old grandson's creative excuse for not responding!
Ready to stop feeling like a broken record? Listen now, try just one strategy this week, and experience the relief of being heard the first time you speak. Your voice deserves to carry weight from the very first word.
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the podcast where we simplify parenting with common sense tips, real-life scenarios and a little bit of humor along the way. I'm Pam and I'm here to help you build the skills and confidence you need to raise happy, resilient and responsible children. So grab your coffee, take a deep breath and let's tackle parenting, one common sense tip at a time. Why won't my child listen the first time, I ask. If you're tired of repeating yourself over and over again, raising your voice or feeling like you're being ignored, then this episode is for you, because today I'm sharing 10 practical secrets that can help get your child to listen the first time. So welcome back to Common Sense Parenting with Pam. This is the podcast that gives you real strategies for raising respectful, confident and kind children without losing your mind. Today I'm diving into one of the top struggles that I hear from parents all the time, so let's just jump in here. Number one, secret number one get their attention first. You can't expect your child to listen if they're not tuned in to you. So, before giving them instructions, say their name, get down on their eye level, make eye contact, get their attention somehow, and then speak to them. So, for example, jason, look at me, buddy. Okay, now listen. That alone can change everything it signals. This is important. Now, I do this frequently, especially with my three and a half year old grandson. I'll say Mikey, you need to look me in the eye. I have something I need to say to you, because guess what, when your children are engaged in an activity or they're busy doing something, sometimes they aren't listening and they don't hear you the first time and then you get frustrated because you think they're not listening. But it's just that they're just being kids and doing their thing right. Secret number two be clear and direct. Children tune us out when we ramble or we sugarcoat too much. Did you hear that Rambling and sugarcoating? Say what you mean in as few words as possible. And this is when I do reels and I say to parents stop talking at your children, stop going on and on and on, because they're not hearing you. They're tuning you out. So here's an example Instead of saying, hey, sweetie, I know you're busy playing, but I'd really love it if you could maybe start thinking about putting your shoes on, here's what you say Shoes on, please. Time to go. It's not rude, it's respectful, it's clear, it's to the point and it is direct and it works. Give that a try. Number three secret number three give that a try. Number three.
Speaker 1:Secret number three young children cannot process a long list of things. So when you say to your child say you're three year old, go brush your teeth, put your pajamas on and clean up your toys. You know what they've heard. Go brush your teeth. That's the first instruction you give them. Go brush your teeth. Then, after they've done that one, then you say put on your pajamas. Next, clean, clean up your toys. Think of it, of like them going up steps on the stairs, one at a time. They're not taking the whole staircase or jumping over the steps as they run up. Just make it again short, sweet to the point.
Speaker 1:Number four use the win-then strategy. Now this one's gold. It sets a clear cause and effect. Here's an example when your homework is finished, then you can have your tablet. Did you see that? When, then, it avoids power struggles because it puts the responsibility back on the child, back on them. If they want to have their tablet, they need to do their homework. That's it. End of discussion, easy peasy, all right.
Speaker 1:Secret number five stay calm and consistent, and I say this all the time. Consistency is the key and I feel like I'm beating people over the head with it, but it is so true. Stay calm. If your tone goes up, their listening goes down. Children respond better when we are calm and consistent with what we say. When you repeat yourself or you yell, or you're unintentionally teaching them that they don't have to act until you raise your voice. So in essence, you're teaching them to ignore you. Let your weights carry weight the very first time.
Speaker 1:Number six follow through every time, every single time. If you let it go even once and I know that seems like over-dramatization, but I'm telling you, if you let it go even one time, that is the kiss of death. They have learned you don't mean what you say. So if you say if you don't turn off the TV, you're done for the day, and then you don't follow through, they learn not to take you seriously. Here's a lesson Don't threaten something you're not going to be willing to follow through on. Don't make it so ridiculous that it's not going to work, like if you don't get off that tablet now, you're grounded off that tablet for a month, because that's probably not going to be doable. Make it clear, make it specific, make it reasonable and then follow through on it. Consistency builds trust. And then better listening, because they're going to know you mean it and you're going to follow through. So they're going to stop challenging you all the time.
Speaker 1:Secret number seven and this is not a state secret but praise the behavior you want. Catch them listening the first time and praise it out loud. This is just so basic. This is basic common sense. I did this all the time when I taught child care. All the time, for example, thank you for coming in when I called the first time. That was awesome. Instead of why didn't you come the first time I called you, you didn't come. And scolding and discouraging and getting frustrated with them. Praise them. That positive reinforcement goes a very long way. That is like gold. Kids love feeling capable.
Speaker 1:Secret number eight limit background noise. Turn off the TV, pause the iPad, lower the music. Competing noise makes it harder for your children to listen. Set them up for success by creating a listening friendly environment. Here we go Common sense. If you're watching TV, I know my husband watches TV. He's like laser focused and I'm calling his name and he doesn't hear me because he's engrossed in what he's doing. I sometimes have to go in front of his face and wave my hand around. Well, he wears a headset so he's not disturbing everybody in the house with his TV. It's a big open space, but I would have to literally go, wave my hand in front of his face and then he knows I need his attention.
Speaker 1:Secret number nine use natural consequences. I love natural consequences. Instead of threats or yelling, use natural outcomes. Here's an example If you don't come to dinner now, the food will be cold. Or if you don't put your shoes on, we won't have time for the park. Let reality do the teaching. If they don't come to dinner, then they eat cold food. If they don't put the shoes on, then you don't have time to go to the park. You don't go to the park and you enforce those things. And then they understand oh gee, if I forget my backpack at school today, I'm not going to have my work. If it's cold and I forget to wear my jacket, I guess I'm going to be cold. Natural consequences they are a powerful learning tool.
Speaker 1:Secret number 10, build the habit with practice, not pressure. So listening is a skill, it's not a switch. You just can't turn it off and on. Practice it like you would reading or riding a bike, role play, set up games, like Simon says, to teach listening in a fun way and, most importantly, be patient with the process. If you have developed a culture in your home where you repeat yourself over and over and over again or you yell at your children or you get easily frustrated and you're discouraging to them, this is going to be a process for both of you to change, but it can be done to them. This is going to be a process for both of you to change, but it can be done. You just have to put the effort into doing it, and it may take a little longer because your children are not used to it and now they're learning a whole new skill set, just like you are. So give everybody grace here. I know it's frustrating to feel like a broken record, but the truth is your child can learn to listen the first time. You just need the right strategies and the consistency to back them up.
Speaker 1:So let's do a quick recap on these. Number one get their attention first. Number two be clear and direct. Number three give one instruction at a time. Number four use when, then language. Number five stay calm and consistent. Number six follow through every time. Number seven praise good listening. Number eight limit background noise. Number nine use natural consequences. Number 10, practice listening as a skill. Now try focusing on just one or two of these this week. Little shifts can make a big difference, so don't try to pile this all on at one time.
Speaker 1:And as I'm wrapping this up, I just have to share a funny story with you. My 12-year-old grandson was here this weekend and I asked him a question and he didn't respond. And I know he heard me, but he didn't respond. And so I said did you hear the question I just asked you? And he said oh, I heard it, I just forgot to respond. Good try, good try. It didn't work and we're still going to work on those listening skills the first time with him, apparently okay. So again, focus on one or two of these at a time. You can add the others as you go.
Speaker 1:If you found this episode helpful, please share with a friend or leave a review. It helps more parents discover this podcast. Thank you so much for listening. You've got this and I'll see you next time. Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Common Sense Parenting with Pam. I hope you enjoyed the episode and if you did, please leave a review. That helps other parents find us, and if you have friends who also have children and could use some parenting tips, feel free to share this. I would really appreciate it and you know I'd love to hear from you so you can always find me on my socials. And until then, remember, hug and love your babies.