Common Sense Parenting with Pam

You Are NOT a Bad Parent - You're Just Tired!

• Pam Palanza • Season 2 • Episode 16

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Parenting during times of high expectations and social media perfection can make us feel like failures, but struggling doesn't mean you're failing—it means you're human. Good parents worry about doing it wrong and care about how their actions affect their children, while truly bad parents don't show up, try, or care.

• Fatigue is the number one issue reported by women in recent surveys
• Yelling, needing alone time, or relying on screen time doesn't make you a bad parent
• Lower your expectations and give yourself grace during difficult days
• Try the "I'm going to rest for 30 minutes then we'll all clean" parenting hack
• Your presence matters more to your children than perfection
• Children will remember you showing up, not whether everything was perfect
• Repeat the mantra "I'm doing the best I can with what I've got today"

Please leave a review if you enjoyed this episode—it helps other parents find us. If you have friends with children who could use some parenting tips, feel free to share, and you can always find me on my socials. Until then, remember, hug and love your babies.


Speaker 1:

Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the podcast where we simplify parenting with common sense tips, real life scenarios and a little bit of humor along the way. I'm Pam and I'm here to help you build the skills and confidence you need to raise happy, resilient and responsible children. So grab your coffee, take a deep breath and let's tackle parenting one common sense tip at a time. Hey, welcome back to our podcast, common Sense Parenting with Pam. I'm so glad you joined me today because today's episode is just for you. Yes, you. The mom who cried in the bathroom yesterday, in the shower this morning, the dad who yelled and then immediately felt guilty, the caregiver who's running on fumes I can just feel the weight of all that. This one is titled. You're not a bad parent, you're just tired. And if your heart just whispered, that's me. That's me. I hope you'll stick around.

Speaker 1:

I want to start with the truth that might surprise you. Struggling doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're human. You are parenting in a time when expectations are sky high. Social media shows you perfect birthday parties, well-dressed children and parents who never seem to lose their cool. Really, behind the scenes, most of us are just trying to make it to bedtime, without completely unraveling, I remember those days. I'm in the grandparent stage now, but I promise you I remember those days. So keep this in mind. You're not a bad parent because you yelled. So keep this in mind. You're not a bad parent because you yelled. You're not a bad parent because you didn't want to play with those darn baby dolls again. You're not a bad parent because you hid in the pantry to eat a cookie alone. Oh, I remember like putting a piece of candy in my pocket and trying to go somewhere and silently unwrap it and all of a sudden they have like radar ears and they find you right. You're not a bad parent if you do these things. You're just tired. And when you're tired, everything feels harder.

Speaker 1:

And let me just sidebar here. I heard a recent podcast from a doctor who works primarily with women and she said they surveyed women, asking them what the number one issue they had was and, not surprisingly, like 60% said fatigue. What a shocker. I mean we could have all told them that without them having to do a survey. Right, fatigue. You know what I remind parents I work with.

Speaker 1:

Good parents worry they're doing it wrong. Good parents care about how their actions affect their children. Bad parents. They don't show up, they don't try, they don't care. So here you are, listening to a podcast about parenting because you want to do better. That's not failure, that's commitment, and I applaud you for that. Let's flip the script. You yelled, but you also apologized. You forgot something, but you showed up anyway. You gave them screen time, but you also gave them love.

Speaker 1:

Grace matters more than perfection, and I'm actually sitting here wearing a t-shirt that says grace changes everything, and it does. Give yourself grace, Give your children grace. If today has been hard, I want you to take a deep breath, literally right now. Just do it with me. You're going to inhale and exhale Ready. You deserve a pause. You deserve a reset. You don't have to have it all figured out by dinner. What you can do is this Lower the bar today. Everything doesn't have to be perfect.

Speaker 1:

Say yes to rest, even if it's just 10 minutes by yourself, even if you have to go in the bathroom and shut the door. Find five or 10 minutes a day to yourself and rest, remind yourself. I'm doing the best I can with what I've got today. Just that's a mantra for you. I'm doing the best I can right now. I'm doing the best I can right now. Say that over and over to yourself, and let me sidebar here on this one too If you want to rest I shared this on my Facebook live yesterday this is a great trick If you want to get some rest, you tell your children are these, you know, children a little bit older?

Speaker 1:

You say, hey, listen, mommy's going to go lay down for about 30 minutes, wake me up in 30 minutes, and then we'll all start cleaning. They're not going to wake you up, they're going to leave you alone. They're going to be very, very quiet because they do not want you to wake up. So they have to start cleaning. Okay, so just take some deep breaths, remind yourself. You know what. I've got this. I've got this. I'm doing the best I can with today and tomorrow. Try again. That's it. Just try again. Is it going to be perfect? Who knows? Is it going to be a gold star day? Possibly. Is it going to stink from beginning to end? Maybe, but you just take it one day at a time. Release that pressure you have on yourself. Release that pressure.

Speaker 1:

You have to be the perfect parent who never makes a mistake, who never yells, who never loses their cool, who's always there for everything for their children. Oh, just listen to that Makes me feel tired, no wonder. So I want to close by saying this If no one else has told you today, you are a good parent. Your tired moments do not erase your love. Good parent, your tired moments do not erase your love, and your presence means more than your perfection ever could, ever could. Keep that in mind. Your children are going to look back and they're going to remember the times you spent with them, you showing up at their school events, their sporting events, participating in their classroom, you know, assisting as you can, volunteering. They're going to remember you being there. They're not going to remember everything being absolutely perfect, so I appreciate you being here with me today. I hope this gave you a little bit of sense of peace, because parenting's parenting is tough, but it's also one of the best things you will ever do.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Common Sense Parenting with Pam. I hope you enjoyed the episode and, if you did, please leave a review. That helps other parents find us. And if you have friends who also have children and could use some parenting tips, feel free to share this. I would really appreciate it and you know I'd love to hear from you, so you can always find me on my socials. And until then, remember, hug and love your babies.