Common Sense Parenting with Pam

You Are Doing Better Than You Think

• Pam Palanza • Season 3 • Episode 3

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We reassure overwhelmed parents that progress, not perfection, is what matters, and we share simple ways to repair, reset, and grow without the guilt spiral. We offer practical questions, a grounding mantra, and reminders to see yourself through your child’s eyes.

• naming social pressure and comparison
• presence over perfection as the core goal
• guilt reframed as a signal for care
• practical repair: apology, breath, do-over
• questions that drive growth and learning
• modeling grace and forgiveness for yourself
• seeing what kids actually remember and need
• a simple mantra for hard days
• encouragement to share the message with another parent

Thank you for spending this time with me today. And if this episode reminded you that you're doing better than you think, share it with another parent who might need that same encouragement.
Please leave a review. That helps other parents find us.
And if you have friends who also have children and could use some parenting tips, feel free to share this.
You know, I'd love to hear from you, so you can always find me on my socials.

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the podcast where we simplify parenting with common sense tips, real life scenarios, and a little bit of humor along the way. I'm Pam and I'm here to help you build the skills and confidence you need to raise happy, resilient, and responsible children. So grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and let's tackle parenting one common sense tip at a time. Welcome to this week's episode of Common Sense Parenting with Pam, where we talk about raising good humans through everyday moments with a little humor, a lot of heart, and a healthy dose of common sense. Today's episode is for every parent who's ever thought, I'm not doing enough. I don't know, maybe you lost your patience this morning with your child and you yelled. Maybe your child had a meltdown or a tantrum in public and you felt like everybody was watching and judging you. Maybe they were. You never know. Maybe you ended the day wondering if you're doing any of this right. Well, let me tell you something right from the start. You are doing better than you think. Parenting isn't about perfection, it's about progress, love, showing up over and over and over again, even on those days when it is so hard. So let's start with a little reality check here. Let's start by naming the truth. Parenting is hard. It's beautiful, exhausting, messy, rewarding, all at the same time. And we live in a world right now, especially with social media, where parents are constantly being told what they should be doing. Now we know that every family is different, and every child in every family can be different. But social media shows you these like beautifully staged houses and the perfect lunch boxes and everything. The house is spotless. And then we start comparing ourselves to that. We look at those and we're like, that's not how my house looks. That's not how my kids look. Well, let me just tell you something. A lot of that is staged, so like just ignore that, okay? Here's the thing you need to know. Your children don't need perfect, they need you being present. They don't need a spotless house, they need a home where they feel safe, seen, and loved. They don't need you to have all the answers. They just need to know that you're going to be there for them and you're going to try again tomorrow. Now, progress in parenting doesn't look like a straight line. Never, ever. And if you've parented for a while, you get this. It's up and down and up and down. And some of those ups are up, up, up, and some of those downs are way down. You know, it's those little moments when you take a deep breath instead of yelling, when you hug them after a tough day, the apology when you mess up. That's what parenting is all about. And that's the work that really truly matters. Now let's talk about mom or dad guilt. Because if you're a parent, you've had this. I don't know any parent who hasn't. And I hear from parents and followers every single day. And a lot of times I hear, I feel like I'm failing. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing as a parent. I need help. And that's when that guilt creeps in, especially when you're tired, you're laying in bed at night, and you're ruminating about your day, and you're like, oh man, I should have done this differently. I can't believe I acted that way or I said that. Maybe you're short on time and you're running late and you're frustrated, and you know, you say or do things you wish you hadn't. Um, you know, when your child's behavior, you know, some of those days, they push every button you have, or as a saying goes, they step on your last nerve, you have one left and they're dancing all over it, right? Then you feel guilty because you've reacted. But here's what I want you to remember guilt is a signal, not a sentence. It's your heart reminding you that you care deeply about your children. If you didn't care, you wouldn't have guilt. I mean, that's just the bottom line on it. But don't let that guilt be your guide. So instead of asking, am I doing enough? Ask the right questions. Like this. Am I showing up with love? Am I trying to learn and grow as a parent? And if you are, that means you're taking classes, you're taking, reading books, you're talking to other parents, you're talking to your, you're talking to other people and you're trying to learn. Because come on, we all know this. Your child doesn't come with a manual on how to raise them, right? We kind of figure this out as we go. Sometimes we nail it and sometimes we screw it up royally. But are you trying to learn? Are you trying to grow? That's a question you ask yourself. Am I modeling grace and forgiveness even for myself? Because I'll tell you, as moms, I can't speak for dads because I'm not one, but as moms, we're hard on ourselves. And we need to remember to give ourselves grace. You know, we need it's okay. Give yourself that grace. You're willing to give it to other people, give it to yourself. So if you can answer yes to those questions, am I showing up with love? Am I trying to learn and grow as a parent? And am I molding grace and forgiveness? Then you're doing just fine. You're okay. Take a deep breath. And when you have those off days, the ones where you lose it, where you say something you regret or you cry in your car. I mean, I can remember crying in the shower, crying in the car, right? Those moments, those they don't define you. What defines you is how you recover. Your child learns compassion when they see you apologize. Now we expect our children to apologize when they say or do something wrong. Well, we need to model that for our children as well. They learn resilience when they watch you start fresh, right? So if you you screw up or you do something wrong, you go, oh, I gotta, I've got to redo that. Children are learning that resilience because you're staying with them. And they learn self-control. When they watch you take that breath, or even just count to three for a minute. One, two, three, like Lord, give me strength, instead of blowing up at them. They're watching you, they're modeling you. So you do things you want your children to see, and when you you want your children to do, and when you don't apologize. It's okay. Give yourself grace. All right, let's take a minute here to see things from your child's eyes. When they look at you, they don't see your mistakes. They're not even going to remember half of them. I mean, unless you're a terrible parent or abusing your kids, that they're going to remember. But if you're managing your children's behavior positively, they don't see your mistakes. You see them and you feel guilty about them, but they don't really even notice them. They see their safe space. You're their parent, you're their safe space. They see the person who cheers for them louder than anyone else. Just go on a Saturday to a soccer field and listen. They see the arms that hold them up when they cry, you know, the voice that comforts them when they're hurt or they're scared, the eyes that light up when they walk into the room. They see your love. They feel that. They're not going to remember how fancy their birthday cake was. I mean, do you? I mean, I'm 67 years old. I don't even remember any of my birthday parties as a child. But they're going to remember that you sang to them off key and you smiled the whole time. They're not going to remember if you folded every load of laundry. Some of us just left leave it in heaps and just grab the clothes we need, quite honestly. But they're going to remember that you snuggled up and you read one more book when you were so exhausted. That's what they're going to remember. Those special priceless moments. Your consistency, not your perfection, is what shapes them. It teaches them how they need to be. So this week I want to challenge you to let go of all of those impossible standards. Whether you set them for yourself or somebody else has set them for you, let them go. The next time that voice in your head says, You are not doing enough, I want you to answer back. I want you to say this. I'm doing my best, and my best is good enough for today. Just repeat that mantra in your head. I'm doing my best, and my best is good enough for today. Because the truth is, parenting isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. Even when your children are grown, out of the house, and have children of their own, your wonderful, sweet, precious grandchildren, you're still a parent. So there's going to be messy days, magical days, and everything in between. And through all of that, you're teaching your child what love looks like when it's tired. You're teaching them what grace looks like when it's stretched really, really thin. You're showing them how to be human. And that's the greatest gift you can give your child. So if you need a reminder, write this down. Stick it on your fridge, put it in the notes on your phone, tattoo it on your arm. Well, not really, but this my child doesn't need a perfect parent. They need a patient one. Thank you for spending this time with me today. And if this episode reminded you that you're doing better than you think, share it with another parent who might need that same encouragement. Remember, progress, not perfection, and you're doing better than you think. And your kids, they're lucky to have you. Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Common Sense Parenting with Pam. I hope you enjoyed the episode. And if you did, please leave a review. That helps other parents find us. And if you have friends who also have children and could use some parenting tips, feel free to share this. I would really appreciate it. You know, I'd love to hear from you, so you can always find me on my socials. And until then, remember hug and love for your babies.